LONDON
When your pre-teens drive you bonkers, what’s the right thing to do?

For Daniel, such questions once seemed less personal than professional. As a minister in rural Yorkshire, he ran weekly skill-building programs on parenting. Then his life changed dramatically. He married, becoming the stepfather of two children, and moved his new family to London. Suddenly this jovial, energetic law-teacher-turned-pastor had his own parenting workshop — right at home.

When we talked in his London office last week, he observed that good parenting often plays out through family conversations around the dinner table. But in his new home he was finding mealtimes anything but conversational. His stepchildren, at the ebullient ages of 8 and 10, were given to kicking each other — deliberately, secretively, and relentlessly — under the table. Daniel — a name I’ve given him, since he didn’t have time to run this column past his family before publication — wasn’t sure how best to intervene as the household’s newest disciplinarian. So, he said, he would just sit there growing increasingly upset, until at last he would burst out in righteous annoyance at whichever child he had fingered as the instigator. The result: sullen obedience and deadening silence for the rest of the meal.

Meanwhile, his parenting courses were off and running. They began by asking participants to think of something their children repeatedly did that drove them crazy and to describe their own typical reactions. Then they were given an assignment: Whenever that bad behavior showed up, they were to do the opposite of what they typically did, and report back at next week’s session.

Feeling he should take his own medicine, Daniel decided to give it a try. The next evening he was so primed for the occasion that if the kids hadn’t begun kicking each other (he told me with a chuckle), he planned on kicking them to get things going. Sure enough, they started on their own. But this time, instead of reacting, he turned to his wife and said, “We haven’t talked about our summer holidays yet — where do you think we should go this year?” Within seconds, the kicking melted into rapt attention, followed by a vigorous four-way conversation.

Granted, this is a little thing, but as Daniel often says to parents, “The little things make such a difference.” Looking below the surface, you can see why. This situation begins, as such cases often do, with a well-meaning parent struggling over a right-versus-right ethical dilemma. On one hand, it’s right to keep the lid on behavior that seems calculated to test parental patience, especially since eating together long has been such an important family value. “We honor the dining table,” he says, “at Sunday lunchtime and at evening time.”

Yet for that very reason it’s right, on the other hand, to maintain a friendly and convivial tone at mealtimes — not to turn dinner into a disciplinary gallows or an etiquette harangue. For Daniel, good parenting is about guidance and nurture, not manipulation and control. “I don’t think it’s right for me to assume that this or that is how my children should end up,” he says, reflecting the problem facing so many parents as they seek the fine line between molding children toward a predetermined image and modeling character in the best way they can. Instead, he says, the task is to discover “how we help people” — including our own children — “into good decision making.”

Look, too, at how this dilemma gets resolved. It’s not a question of choosing one unpleasant option over the other, but of turning the dilemma into what we at the Institute call a trilemma — the middle way that captures the best aspects of the situation while leaving behind the worst. His tale, of course, leaves open the question of what to do tomorrow night since you can’t spend every evening hashing over vacation plans. But as he notes from his long experience with parents, “There’s never only one alternative — you need a range of things you could do.”

In this case, finding the right thing to do required a fair bit of confidence, creativity, and forethought. And the outcome, he says, had a deep effect on him. Not only did it confirm the validity of his parenting curriculum. It also recharged his trust in his ability to navigate the ever-changing landscape of ethics issues that arise as children mature. It reminded him of the benefit of strategizing before, not during, an encounter. And it reaffirmed his ability to be innovative in resolving seemingly intractable issues.

And that, I suppose, is the point. Addressing ethical issues, in parenting and elsewhere, isn’t a matter of seeking what-to-do advice. Ethics isn’t formulaic: The moral of Daniel’s story is not to say, “When kids act up, talk about summer plans.” It’s to suggest a framework — about core values, right-versus-right thinking, and trilemma options — that helps generate solutions regardless of the circumstances. Given today’s tough ethical landscape, parents need confidence in turning meltdowns into mentoring.

©2007 Institute for Global Ethics

“If we hire people and direct them to perform activities that are direct participation in hostilities, then at least by the Guantánamo standard, that is a war crime.”

– Michael N. Schmitt, a former Air Force lawyer and a professor of international law at the Naval War College, talking to the Los Angeles Times about mounting questions into whether independent security contractors hired by the U.S. government could be considered unlawful combatants when they engage in offensive operations instead of the strictly defensive behavior authorized by law.

NEW YORK
Corruption imposes crippling costs on China and threatens to undermine the nation’s political stability, according to a new report from the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace.

According to a summary of the report in the Economic Times of India, bribery, kickbacks, and theft make up a full 10 percent of government spending.

The total estimated to be absorbed by graft is about $86 billion — more than China’s annual education budget, reports the BBC.

A story from U.S. News & World Report notes that study author Minxin Pei argues that corruption is more than China’s problem, because it “also harms western economic interests, particularly foreign investors who risk environmental, human rights, and financial liabilities and must compete against rivals who engage in illegal practices to win business in China.”

The Jurist, a University of Pittsburgh Law School site, notes that China’s Communist Party, apparently recognizing the severity of the problem, has taken a hard line on corruption recently, imposing lengthy prison terms and even a few death sentences on officials caught embezzling or taking bribes.

But even under the current anticorruption campaign, the chances of a corrupt official getting caught are very small, the report claims.

In related news, a report from Bill Schiller of the Toronto Star’s Asian bureau describes a revolt in Xiantang Village in Southern China, where locals, outraged by what they see as rampant corruption, seized the village hall, demanding to see accounting books that so far have not materialized, even though the local farmers have held control of the hall for more than a hundred days.

Schiller writes: “It may be unprecedented in modern China. Citizens not only accused their leaders of corruption, but also drove them from office and continue to occupy the central administration building — a modern five-storey structure now festooned with fiery red banners. It is an astonishing sight in an authoritarian state.”

JERUSALEM
Israeli investigators interrogated prime minister Ehud Olmert for four hours last week about corruption allegations.

Newsday reports that the session, Olmert’s second interrogation of the week, focused on allegations that he interfered in the sale of a bank to help his friends. Olmert also has been questioned about charges that he purchased a home from a real estate developer at a discount and in return helped the developer obtain construction permits.

Sources close to the probe told the Israeli newspaper Haaretz that the decision on whether to hand up a formal indictment will come in about two weeks.

In a statement issued to the Jerusalem Post, a spokesperson for Olmert said the prime minister is confident that investigators will conclude that his dealings with the bank sale were “taken judiciously following consultation with relevant sources” and are “above reproach.”

According to the Associated Press, the questioning was a setback for Olmert, whose popularity was starting to rebound after widespread criticism directed at him following last year’s inconclusive war with Lebanon.

VARIOUS DATELINES
Stories highlighting free-speech issues appeared in the world press last week. Among them:

• The editor in chief of a weekly Turkish-Armenian language newspaper, along with the paper’s publisher, last week received one-year prison sentences for “insulting Turkishness.” But the Istanbul court then suspended the sentences based on the fact that neither man had a criminal record, reports the Turkish edition of MSNBC. Both men were found guilty under a controversial article of the Turkish penal code that criminalizes any writing that legitimizes the claim that Armenians were massacred in eastern Turkey between 1915 and 1917. In a Sunday editorial, the Boston Globe characterizes Turkey’s view as “willful amnesia,” but spoke out against a pending U.S. congressional resolution that would officially recognize the killings as genocide.
• A journalism watchdog group has criticized Jordan for sentencing the head of an opposition party to two years in prison for claiming that corruption among Jordanian officials is worsening, according to the International Herald Tribune. The group, Reporters Without Borders, issued a statement assailing Jordan as a “country where there is absolutely no respect for the right to inform and be informed when someone wants to express opposition to the monarchy or criticize the regime’s leading players.” Jordon recently passed a law that severely restricts criticism of the government.
• A major ruling in Britain last week strengthened the media’s right to report on matters that are in the public interest. According to a report from the Times of London, the author of a book about alleged police corruption, who was sued for libel by one of the police officers mentioned in the book, was cleared after the court ruled the author had taken reasonable steps to verify the story, and therefore was protected by a “public interest” defense. The Times reports that this is apparently the first case in which that particular defense has been applied to book publishing.

VARIOUS DATELINES
The life sciences continue to be the focus of ethics debates worldwide. Among recent stories from the international media:

• The Herald-Sun of Melbourne, Australia, reports that one of the current hot-button ethics issues in Queensland involves new stem-cell research laws that opponents say pave the way for creation of human-animal hybrids. Backers say the laws will benefit research enterprises in the state while possibly providing cures for many who suffer from degenerative diseases. At issue is new technology that allows use of human DNA taken from anywhere in the body to be implanted in an animal embryo, creating material suitable for developing new tissues but requiring the destruction of the human embryo.
• A controversial proposal in the United Kingdom is stirring a vigorous ethics debate: A prominent jurist, Lord Justice Sedley, has suggested that the entire population, as well as visitors to the United Kingdom, should have their DNA profiles added to a law enforcement database. Britain already has one of the world’s largest databases of DNA, usually used as a law enforcement tool to locate people who left biological evidence at the scene of a crime, reports the Daily Telegraph.
• Pope Benedict XVI last week called on South Korea, which plans to reenter the field of stem cell research, to exercise its “inherent moral sensibility” and reject a resumption of such research, reports the Associated Press. The Pope claims “the destruction of human embryos, whether to acquire stem cells or for any other purpose, contradicts the purported intent of researchers, legislators and public health officials to promote human welfare.” South Korea temporarily halted stem cell research after a scandal involving faked data.

VARIOUS DATELINES
Ethics issues related to the environment have been featured in a variety of articles and analyses from the world press. Among the stories:

• Former U.S. vice president Al Gore and the United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel last Friday jointly won the Nobel Peace Prize for spreading awareness of human-made climate change. But one day before the award was announced a British judge ruled that Gore’s film, An Inconvenient Truth, contained nine significant errors made in “the context of alarming and exaggeration,” even though the judge characterized the film as “broadly accurate.” ABC News reports that the ruling was in response to a challenge from a U.K. school official who did not want to show the film, claiming it was distorted and violated British laws about public advocacy in the classroom.
• The U.K. Guardian reports that while most Britons think of the popular trend of ethical investing as centering on development of new sources of power and renewable energy, the field has recently expanded to include a considerable number of non-environmental venues. The report quotes George Latham, head of the sustainable and responsible investment (SRI) team at Henderson Global Investors, as saying, “We have a broader approach that takes into account issues such as climate change but also more socially orientated areas such as the growth in healthcare and the education industry.”
• Environmentalists in France say new designer T-shirts carrying green messages are helping “give a contemporary image” to environmental causes, reports the Agence France-Presse. Various boutiques and high-end fashion shows are featuring T-shirts made of organic cotton and toxin-free dyes. But they don’t necessarily come cheap, according to the AFP report: A popular line of ethical T- shirts from France’s Bluebretzel firm will set you back about $100.

ROME
More than a hundred of the world’s most prominent Muslim leaders wrote an open letter to Pope Benedict XVI, the Archbishop of Canterbury, and other Christian leaders, appealing to shared values common to both religions and calling for better dialogue.

According to the BBC, the letter is hardly the first appeal to shared values but may be the most significant in recent years because the signatories have enormous personal and political influence worldwide, hailing from countries as diverse as Egypt, Malaysia, Russia, and Yemen.

The letter also carries a sharp warning about the consequences of a breakdown between the two faiths, reports the Economist. The letter notes that Christians account for about a third of the world’s population and Muslims over a fifth, implying that solving their faiths’ fractiousness could be key to the survival of the human species. “If Muslims and Christians are not at peace, the world cannot be at peace. The very survival of the world itself is perhaps at stake,” the letter said.

According to an analysis from the U.K. Guardian, the scholars used quotations from the Bible and the Quran to illustrate similarities between the two faiths, such as the requirement to worship one God and to love one’s neighbor.

The London Daily Mail reports that the letter was organized by the Royal Aal al-Bayt Institute for Islamic Thought, a nongovernmental organization based in Amman, Jordan.

NEW YORK
Reality TV poses ethics problems when it gets too real, according to a report last week from the New York Times.

The report looks at the moral dilemmas facing reality-TV producers, such as those behind a recent episode of the program “Intervention,” in which a camera crew acknowledged that their subject, an alcoholic, had too much to drink but allowed her to get into her car and followed her, taping the scene as she tried to keep her car between the lines.

The Times notes that reality shows documenting the travails of unstable subjects or situations have become ratings hits, but are problematic for television networks.

“There have been several lawsuits related to shows like ‘Big Brother,’ and more recently, CBS found itself facing accusations that it had created dangerous working conditions for children in its reality program ‘Kid Nation,’ in which children aged 8 to 15 toiled in the New Mexico desert to build a working society on their own,” notes the report.

“In the case of reality-TV documentary shows like ‘Intervention’ and the various incarnations of ‘The Real World’ and ‘Road Rules’ on MTV, producers can be witnesses to crimes, raising the question of when they are obligated to step out from behind the camera and intervene,” it adds.

The Times notes that under the law, producers are treated like witnesses, bearing no responsibility to intervene. In order to sue for negligence, the producers would have to create a situation that put a subject in jeopardy, not merely chronicle related events, say legal experts interviewed by the Times.

From the Pew Research Center:

“The Muslim and Mormon religions have gained increasing national visibility in recent years. Yet most Americans say they know little or nothing about either religion’s practices, and large majorities say that their own religion is very different from Islam and the Mormon religion….

“Public impressions of both religions are hazy — 58% say they know little or nothing about Islam’s practices, while 51% have little or no awareness of the precepts and practices of Mormonism. The number of people who say they know little or nothing about Islam has changed very little since 2001.

“Most Americans believe that their own religion has little in common with either Islam or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Fully 70% say that their religion is very different from Islam, while 62% say this about the Mormon religion….

“…Overall evaluations of Mormons and Muslim Americans are on balance positive: 53% say they have a favorable opinion of Mormons, while an identical percentage views Muslim Americans favorably….

“Despite these similarities, there also are clear differences in public attitudes about Islam and Mormonism. These are reflected in the single-word descriptions people use in summarizing their impressions of each religion. Twice as many people use negative words as positive words to describe their impressions of the Muslim religion (30% vs. 15%). The most frequently used negative word to describe Islam is ‘fanatic,’ with ‘radical’ and ‘terror’ often mentioned as well. Among the positive terms, ‘devout’ or some variant is the most frequently cited.

“The words that people use to describe the Mormon religion are, on balance, more positive. Nearly a quarter (23%) gives a positive word to describe their impression of the Mormon religion while 27% use a negative term…. The most commonly used negative words to describe Mormonism are ‘polygamy,’ ‘bigamy’ or some other reference to plural marriage. Among positive words used to describe the Mormon religion, ‘family’ — or some variant of the term — is the most frequent response….

“…Nearly half (46%) of those who have heard at least a little about Pope Benedict XVI say he is doing only a fair or poor job at promoting good relations with other major religions; just 38% say the pope is doing an excellent or good job in this regard….

“Public attitudes about Muslims and Islam have grown more negative in recent years. About four-in-ten Americans (43%) say they have a favorable opinion of Muslims, while 35% express a negative view….

“The biggest influence on the public’s impressions of Muslims, particularly among those who express an unfavorable opinion of Muslims, is what people hear and read in the media….

“The belief that Islam encourages violence has increased among groups that express mostly negative views of Muslims, such as conservative Republicans, but also among those groups that have relatively favorable opinions of Muslims, such as college graduates….

“Fully 70% of non-Muslims say that the Muslim religion is very different from their own religion, compared with just 19% who say Islam and their own religion have a lot in common….

“The survey shows that knowing a Muslim is associated with more positive views of the religion. Among those who know a Muslim, for instance, a majority (56%) has a favorable overall impression of Muslims, compared with just 32% of those who are not acquainted with a Muslim.

“This pattern extends across several other measures of views of Muslims and Islam….

“Overall, a slim majority of the public (53%) expresses a favorable view of Mormons, while 27% view Mormons unfavorably….

“About three-in-ten (31%) of those who express favorable opinions of Mormons cite personal experience as the biggest influence on their opinions, but a fairly large proportion of those with negative opinions of Mormons (23%) also point to their personal experiences as being most influential….”

“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”

– Anaïs Nin (U.S. (French-born) author, 1903-1977)